I was having a conversation with a good friend of mine and we were talking about our past and what we currently experience as well as witness. We talked about our previous relationships and the love that we experienced. While talking to her, I was able to dig deep and discuss many areas that tend to be overlooked. Traumas that may have been created. Ideas that may have been waisted. Dreams that may have been destroyed.
Once the conversation was over, my head was flowing with a lot of questions. Filled with ideas trying to understand the reasoning behind all of the negativity and pain that people put onto others and what we can do to fix it. The longer I thought about it, the deeper I got and it led me to a single factor. No matter what, we need to continue to love.
Let’s start off with intimate relationships. Ending a relationship with somebody you are madly in love with is hard. VERY HARD! It’s hard because your soul is bound to theirs. Your connection is literally intertwined to each other. Your life and everything that you see in life is shared with the person that you lost or losing. From the things that you ate to the things that made you laugh. The memories that were made. The hobbies that were enjoyed together. Even the movies you cried too and the music that you blasted on the way to the beach was all connected to that person.
When you leave these relationships, you are simply taking the physical person away but because of the connection, you see that person in everything. You can’t turn the music on without seeing their bright smile and get flooded with all of the sing alongs you shared together. It’s hard for you to watch movies because the scenes is like looking in a mirror and reflecting the good times, as well as the bad, that you experience with that person.
I divorced my wife recently and it was horrible. It killed me. The amount of weight on my shoulders was unbearable. It made me second guess everything. It made me feel guilty. It made me question if what I was doing was the right thing. I even questioned my existence. It made me afraid. Afraid of how her and the children would feel towards me. If it was anything like the weight on my back, I could truly see how they could learn to hate me and it scared me because I didn’t want them to hate me. I did everything that I could to try and protect them and be the best husband and father that I could be, and thinking that they could hate me for it put the idea of me hating them in the back of my head. When I told my friend that, she told me something strong.
You deserve to be loved just as hard as you love. Never forget that. And definitely don’t let the past relationships and the shit with your marriage cage your heart and not be open to love because at the end of the day, you gave your love where it was needed. Even if they didn’t appreciate it. They needed that love. You’re a healer and you might not even know that lol. Not only that, but through those shitty experiences, you’ve healed a part of yourself as well. Just because they couldn’t reciprocate that same love to you, doesn’t mean someone else won’t ya know. After all, love is everything. We’re human. We crave and desire and need human connection because love is what it’s all about. Keep on loving!
It is hard but having that conversation with my friend changed my perspective heavily because no matter what you are feeling now, that love was still needed. I needed to love and it pushed me to do things that were important. Even though we didn’t work out, I know that she loved me dearly as I loved her and the love we shared was true. It has taught us both a lot and we can utilize it to share to the people around us and the people in our future. We didn’t work out because of the pain and traumas that we experienced from the lack of love in our past but even though this still ended horribly painful, it still made us stronger individuals.
What my friend said, I have always preached, but I never saw it the way that I see it now. It can be incorporated with every part of our life. Intimate relationships is just a small smidge of why we need to continue loving. What if we spread it to our neighbors, family members and complete strangers?
It doesn’t have to be for the people in your life but in humanity as a whole. We are suppose to love the ones that spread hurt. We are suppose to love the ones who spread hate. The reason why people spread hate is because they haven’t experience love. People are so use to pay back and getting revenge, but all revenge does is give somebody else a reason to retaliate. Retaliation only makes the pain spread and give people reason continue the spread and to create fear, and for what? Show love to the ones who speak disrespectfully. Show love to the ones who try and spread fear. Misery loves company but misery will eventually be drowned out if the miserable person is surrounded by love. Love is strength. Love is courageous. Love is healing. Love is the whole purpose of life. Continue to love because love is what we all need to end the pain in the world.