I talked to my daughter the other day on video chat and she said that she wants to be as courageous as me. I asked her what she meant by that. She said that I’m not afraid of anything and it seems like she’s afraid of everything. In the conversation I told her what my worst fears are and she couldn’t imagine it because if my worse fears were true, then I literally have to face my fears everyday. I asked her what her worst fear is and her response hurt me. Not really because it was her fear, but because I could see what her fear could possibly push her to do in the future.
“I am petrified to be alone!”, she told me. “I am so scared of the silence of being by myself and scared that the monsters are going to get me.” Instinctively I tried to nurture her knowing that there were no monsters in her closet or under her bed.
“Why do you think there are monsters and why are you afraid of the silence?” I asked her, trying to find the words to help soothe her. She said that she is afraid of the silence because then the monsters can hear her and when there is not noise , the monsters will hunt her knowing that she was alone.”
“Baby girl there is nothing to be afraid of. You are afraid of being alone because it is something that you have never experienced before.” I held up my phone and showed myself in the camera as I walked through my house. I showed her that I was completely alone and that there was nothing for me to be afraid of. When I walked past my bedroom, the lights were off and she couldn’t see anything behind me. She got nervous and told me to be careful. I couldn’t help but smile and simply turn the light on. Behind me was my bed, all nice and made up. I walked to the closet and showed her that there wasn’t anything waiting to get me.
After showing her the rest of the house, allowing her to see my face and the lack of fear I had, I went back to my desk and told her to listen to me.
“Baby. What a monster uses for their benefit, you can use as well. Darkness can be scary but understand that darkness allows you to hide as well. Silence may allow the monsters to hear you, but it will also allow you to hear them. There are monsters in this world but they are not afraid of silence. If anything, they would rather it be loud. Loud enough that they can approach you and be right next to you without you knowing. Wouldn’t you rather be able to hear a monster walking up to you instead of being right next to you and grabbing you without you knowing?”
She looked at me with bright eyes and said “I never thought of it like that.” Her smile and little giggle showed me that she was starting to feel better about the conversation.
I said “Silence and noise are simply tools. Darkness as well as light are also tools and these tools can either work for you or against you depending on your mindset.” I then asked her, “What do monsters look like?”
She made a funny face and said, “They are ugly. They stink and are strong. They have long teeth and sharp claws and will hurt me the moment they get a chance.”
I gracefully smiled and told her that she watches too much television. “Yes monsters can be very ugly and have sharp teeth and strong claws but understand that not all monsters are ugly. Not all monsters have sharp teeth that will bite you and strong claws that will grab you. Some monsters can be extremely beautiful. They can have other weapons like an amazing smile, beautiful eyes and a voice that lures you to them. They may have words that are way stronger than their claws and they will latch on tight to important things that you can’t see, such as your soul. “
Being alone sometimes is beneficial to your health. It gives you a chance to feel and understand your surroundings. Being alone can always be your safety blanket. To get you away from the noise. To help you see people for the angels and demons that they can be. Being alone allows you to learn what is best for you and help you create happiness that you won’t find with the noise and distractions of the world. Being alone can be very scary for a child because its something you don’t experience on a regular basis but understand that the monsters tend to be where the noise is. They may be disguised as friends. They may be disguised as fun and a false sense of safety, but being alone allows you to use the quiet as a tool to help you see the monsters for what they really are. “
After I had this conversation I had to sit back and realize that what I said to her may possibly change her life. It may keep her from being a relationships with people that will hurt her, out of fear of not having anybody. Erase that stigma that she has to be seen and have people around her all the time to feel loved. To allow her to learn who she is and learn that she has a voice and hopefully, this lesson could help somebody else who may be afraid of being alone as well. Don’t be afraid of being alone. Embrace it.