Why does an ex become an enemy?

I know. The title seems very extreme. I’m sure many people dislike their exes and couldn’t imagine a scenario of how they could possibly be anything but enemies, but I think I got the answer.

Of course, if the relationship ended on extremely bad terms such as physical and/or mental abuse, infidelity, stole something valuable or took advantage of the partner, then I understand completely. I wouldn’t expect anything other than negativity, but what if nobody intended on hurting the other?

What if they both did everything that they did out of love? It just simply wasn’t working? Things such as being gone for long periods of time working? The man is doing it out of love but the woman feels put to the side. Or a mother is constantly on the kids because she has certain expectations but the family feels that she’s just being mean and slowly pushes the family away.

One of the partners is constantly upset because he wants to save money so that he can make his spouses dreams come true, such as surprise dinners, romantic getaways and eventually a nice ring but the spouse is constantly spending money.

Sometimes the love is there, the chemistry is there, but the person just being who they are isn’t working. The person could be too positive while the other isn’t. One is clingy while the other likes space. Maybe what one person needs for healing opens up the door to the partners past traumas. The list can go on and on, but why make them an enemy because of it? Well here is the answer.

It’s actually quite simple. It’s everything that happens during the breakup that makes the enemy. During the breakup there are a lot of painful feelings. Those feelings carry along negative thoughts. What do we do when we have negative feelings and thoughts? We go into a stage of self preservation. “This is a feeling that I don’t like and it is not safe!” So to protect yourself, you try to figure out what is going on so that you can move somewhere where it feels good.

Many times that feeling is self worth, so an ex will try to do certain things to make them feel that they are stronger or better and that the partner will be missing out. Other times its more internal and those thoughts may change your perspective of the other person and create false images such as them being with another person every time they don’t text back fast enough, knowing that they have never cheated or gave you any sign that they were interested in somebody else.

Which ever the case, the other partner will feel and then they will do the same unconsciously. One of the partners way of healing is seclusion and staying away, while the other one is now thinking the worse because they wont pick up the phone.

Both are hurting and both are in a bad place. Both feel these feelings as a negative and that negative wouldn’t be there if it wasn’t for the other person. Them putting all of that together, there is only bad guy, the other partner. Two people who love each other and has bent over backwards to help the other spouse is now an enemy, all because of the feelings that transpired during the breakup.

It’s really rare but the exes that are still friends after the fact are aware of each other and who the other is. They are aware that even though everything was done out of love, it just wasn’t working out. It’s nobodies fault. There is nobody to blame. Just a partnership that was meant to be, just not in the ways that they expected it to be.


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