During a eulogy at a funeral, a young woman speaks about her late husband. While she was on the podium she was describing who the man in the coffin was. With tears rolling down her face she explained how he was the most loving person that she has ever met. That he would give the shirt off his back and give it to an enemy if need be.
How he didn’t believe that people from somebodies past should automatically be somebody to throw away. He saw great things in everybody, whether it was an ex, an old friend, a coworker and even strangers. The past was not an excuse to create an enemy.
She elaborated on how he was always the life of the party, and that everybody always loved when he was around. He complimented people and always had to make people feel good and be happy. That he was a people person and could honestly talk to anybody. How his words could de-escalate any negative situation and turn an uncomfortable environment into an inviting one.
He was a helper and motivator. A teacher and somebody that anybody could run to if they need advice. He would always lift people up and inspire them to be great. He was strong and hardworking. He was smart and open minded. He always gave every situation a positive perspective. He was one of a kind.
His biggest flaw was that he tried to make up for all of the bad in the world and give it the good that the world was missing. He was amazing.
Once the funeral was over, the woman went home and sat on the couch. She went through an old photo album and reminisced about the past. The happy times as well as the bad and that’s when it hit her.
A feeling that was so heavy and at the same time made her feel completely empty. She looked through the pictures and while she was going through time, she saw the man in the picture was changing.
The majority of their arguments was derived from him simply being himself. His perception of life was always seen as being a form of disrespect. She closed her eyes and went back a few hours prior to listen to what she said in the eulogy. She replayed it in her head.
“He was loving and would give his enemy the shirt off his back if need be.”
If that was so, then why did I force him to throw away pictures of people he shared memories with in his past. Memories that made him happy. If that was so, why did I keep him from contacting people who may knew the answers to his questions?
“He was always the life of the party.”
I would give him hell and guilt trip him every time he was invited anywhere knowing that he would stay home if it would keep me happy. Slowly his phone notifications lessened. He stopped getting invited to hang out because they already knew the answer would be “No!”.
“He complimented everybody and wanted to always put a smile on peoples faces.”
How dare he disrespect our relationship by lifting her up? By telling her that she was beautiful, but in his eyes maybe he saw something that I didn’t. Maybe he noticed that she was having a bad day and wanted to make her feel better.
Going through the memories, she realized that her husband died a long time ago. That the person she described was not the man in the coffin. He was not a friend’s shoulder to lean on. He was not the motivator. He was not the life of the party. He was not the uplifting man that helped people who were down.
The man in the coffin was tired. The man in the coffin was stressed. The man in the coffin was empty. He was a shell. He was a reminder of somebody from the past. He was a ghost. Somebody that was murdered by his wife, the woman he loved, and was alive to experience his own death.
The moral of this story is that we are all unique. We are all different. Our personalities are what make us who we. We fall in love with the uniqueness that people have but it is not our job to start making changes in that person to benefit our own feelings.
Just like drinking a beverage at the bar. You can’t fall in love with a drink but then go home, change the ingredients, and expect it to taste the same. If you try, you are creating something different. You will be creating an empty shell of what the person was before. A dead man walking!